Monday, November 17, 2008

God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule He Made for Humans

Responding to recent events on Earth, God, the omniscient creator-deity worshipped by billions of followers of various faiths for more than 6,000 years, angrily clarified His longtime stance against humans killing each other Monday. (This may just be the most serious Onion story ever written.)

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The 5 Most Retarded Causes People Are Actually Fighting For

For every great cause, there is an equally retarded one. Here are five of them.

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